Big changes are happening..
I have a new job as education manager at Melbourne aquarium.. I start on the 11th... I had to resign from my teaching job, and that was hard, because it was all abrupt however I've been wanting a change for a while..so I finally had the confidence to apply and two interviews and a presentation later, I got it.
Now the fun part is to go clothes shopping as I have nothing to wear.....
Weight wise I'm about 74.5 and food choices are getting better! Starting to exersize a bit more too.. Only 9.5 kilos off my goa! Woot!

75

So it's been over a year since my banding, and I have gone from 98 to 75 kilos. From a 24 to a 14. From not really knowing how big I was, to realising I am now "normal" size. And it's great!
I still have the big girl thought and still think I am big somedays, but when I go into shops and try on 14's and mediu, to small tops, I am in heaven!!

change

OK so in the past month these things have happened:
I moved back to St. Kilda (Melbourne) to be with Dooley. He got a pay rise and is now State Manager of his company.
I got a new job at Brighton Beach Primary School teaching Grade 3.
My weight has stayed the same if not up half a kilo due to eating crappily and drinking alcohol. It was Christmas after all.
I am going to get my motorcycle licence so I can get a pink (hopefully) scooter. I have already bought a pink helmet.
A couple of our dearest friends came to stay for a few days. Hence alcohol and shitty food decisions continue.
Hmmm not much else.. just enjoying time off!!

76

You know what? I now weigh 76.9 kilos. My goal is 65, my Dr's goal is 60. God it's so close I can feel it.
BUT.
I went to Rivers, bought a size 14 jeans. My god, size 14! I haven't worn size 14 in about ten years!!
So tell you what, it's great, but I feel the same. I still feel like the BIG girl. I see big girls walk past, about my previous size, and I still feel like them. I still feel their pain of being big. I still don't think I can squeeze past people in restaraunts etc, yet I can quite easily. I still feel like I am taking up too much room.
God when will this head Fuck go? It's hard!

78.6

Woot 78.6 two days in a row!!! That's a 20 kilo lost in 7 ish months!!Woohoo!!
Dools and I went to se his parents, and I haven't seen them in about 6 months. The first thing his Dad said when he saw me was "You brought half a Josie!" stoked with that.
As I and my family see me all the time, I don't see what others see. I still feel like the big girl. I am far from being small. My goal is 60 kilos, so I am 18 kilos off that. But I don't see the weight loss as much as others. Yes, I know I am wearing a size 16 jeans and in another 5 or so kilos I will be in an 14, I don't see it! Weird hey. I still look at people my previous size and larger and I still feel like them.
I wonder when that feeling will go away?

Dr Dreamy

So I saw Dr. Dream today. We had a long chat about things. I told about my head battling with my band. When I have food and I've had enough when my band tells me. The thing is that my head is going.... "Go on, look at this food, it's so yummy, you can have a bit more" My band is saying "One more bite and you will slime. Or worse."
Dr. Dreamy says that that will go away eventually.
No fill got put in. I am acutally sitting at 5.3mls not 5.5mls like I thought. I had lost 2.7 kilos since I last saw him. That's about 500grams a week. He is happy with that. So happy that because I am eating and still socialising that I don't need any more. He told me though, that as I start to exercise more, to be careful of joints. I told him that the top of my left foot was a bit sore after a few class of combat. Because I am still carrying weight around, that I have to be careful!
But on the whole he is happy, I am happy and that's the most important thing.
I don't get to seer Dr. Dreamy until 2 months from now!! That's a good thing by the way!! :)

To fill or not to fill?

I am going to see Dr. Dreamy today and I think I've only lost 3.5 kilos in 6 weeks since I last saw him.
 I feel bad about that. I know that I am always heavier on his scales! So who knows!!!
I have been exercising more and my jeans are starting to get loose again. I only bought a new pair 5 weeks ago, and I am feeling good, but why do I feel so bad when it comes to Dr. Dreamy Days??
I don't know if I want more in. I have 5.5 mls in and my band is lovely at telling me when to stop...I guess I will have to ask him. I have been having choclate though... slider food!! I get so confused on Dr. Dreamy Days! Will let you know how I go!

New gym clothes!

Ok, so sitting on about 80-81 kilos.. Here are my new gyms clothes with an awesome sports bra!!!!

3 for 3!

Drum roll please......

I have done three gym classes in three days. Combat, Pump and Fight Do (which is what Body Combat used to be back in the day!) and I loved it!

I also bought a really really good sports bra too!! woot woot! Feeling fine!!

shhh ! I'm listening to the band

Isn't it funny how your band talks to you? I find that at night my band is fairly tight. I sometimes find that when eating two poached eggs, my band tells me to stop half way through and stop eating. I am starting to feel full. I stop. I rest. I mainly go out for a smoke halfway through dinner. Then I try to finish. Right now I have just finished two poached eggs with a bit of shaved turkey. And right now, I am feeling full. My band is telling me that if I have any more of anything it will come back up, or the dreaded slime will happen. I love that I can feel full on not much. Yes, yes I know the whole point of the band, but god really, this band has saved me. God know what weight I would be right now. Probably sitting at 110 plus kilos. Instead I weight (in the mornings and after a pee) 81.9 kilos. So I am feeling better.
After my last self indulged rant about being slack, lazy and feeling sorry for myself, I went the the gym. Yes. I didn't listen to my excuses. I didn't turn on the TV on Monday night. I went home, got changed and sat down for about ten minutes, then just left and went and did a Combat class with my sister.
Yesterday, I took my gym clothes to work. I didn't go home. I had a coffee, got changed and went and did Pump with my Mum and sister. It felt good to do this with my family. And I love them!
So at the moment, I feel that the band has changed me for the better.
Sure I have bad days where I hate having it. When I want a steak or a big pig out of pastries, or even crave McDonalds. But I don't. I can't. I won't. The band inside me stops me from old and bad habits!
Onwards to my goal of 60 kilos!! :)

Why is it so hard to START exercising?

Ok, so I have lost 16 kilos with no exercise.
I have a gym membership, and why oh why do I find it hard to actually get there?
I need to do a list to figure out why I am not going!

WHY I SHOULD GO:

1. To keep going with the weight loss
2. To tone up. (Don't want to be a saggy baggy elephant)
3. So I can spend some quality time with my sister (she goes and keeps asking and asking and asking me to go with her - making me feel guilty about not going)
4. To feel better about myself.
5. The gym is only 5 mins away.
6. I love doing Combat and Pump, and Spin (sometimes)

These are great reasons and I am sure the you dear readers can give me many more reasons (PLEASE do so !)

REASONS WHY I DON'T GO

1. I am lazy
2. I am actually scared of going.
3. I don't like being the biggest girl there.
4. I don't like people looking at me and wondering what the hell I am doing there. Shouldn't I be at Macca's?
5. I want to go but talk myself out of it.
6. I get home, sit down and that's it. I can't be bothered to go anywhere again.(see point 5 in they why I should go and then point 1 as to why I don't!)
7. I always have good intentions. Always. Alas I am see point 1 and point 3.
8. I am super lazy
9. Maybe just maybe, I think because I have lost 16 kilos without exercise the last 25 or so will also just fall off.
10. I know that point 9 is a LIE  that I tell to myself.

So I am stuck. I WANT to go, but I avoid it. I am scared. I get tired easily (although not as much as I used to)
Every time I don't go, I can feel the disappointment in my sister (and Mum). I have let them down. I let them down getting so big and needing my lap band, so this is just another on the list.

I feel bad about letting people whom I love (and they love me) down. I feel really horrible and sad at just typing that.

I don't know what to do? I need suggestions and fast.

5.3mls

5.3 mls in my band. Going great. But I am finding my band tightens at night time making it hard to have a decent size dinner. Does anyone else have this problem? I still  don't eat breakfast as I am not hungry at 6:15am! I know I should but don't!

I have to stop weighing myself every morning. It's doing my head in. Sometimes I weight 82.9 other times it's 84.3.. arrghh! I think I need to hide the scales. Or give them to my sister and then pop oever once a week to weigh myself.

Just dropping by to say Hello and that 14ish kilos down I do feel really good. I go to the gym, though not often, but when I do, I don't get puffed and feel good afterwards.
I go and see Tony in two weeks and I want to be 1.5 kilos lighter! Finger crossed.
At this time of the year it's report writing time. Something that all teacher loathe!! It takes over my weekends and I have no life for about fours weeks.

On top of that I have decided to start a Graduate Certificate in Education (Leadership) and in about a month my first 2000 words essay is due. So no real life for me for a while.

Dooley still comes down every fourth weekend, but he is looking for work here, so hopefully we will be together again soon! <3

Band news: Piklets (made my students, I haven't tried any others), devon, pizza and large pasta shells get stuck. By stuck I mean the slime comes and sometimes food with it! Its horrible. 30+ mins of dissatifaciton and walking around and several trips to the toilet to get the saliva up, is not fun. I don't touch these anymore.

84.9

Joy of joy I can now say I'm 84..... point 9 kilos!
I went into Valley Girl today. I have never put foot into that store for fear of sale girls shouting "get out fatty. Go to millers!"
Anyway I bought a jumper. Large but still a jumper from Valley Girl. A great achievemement!

3rd fill

Went to see Dr Dreamy today and I was saying about my head hunger... we decided to put another ml in bringing me to 5mls. I had only lost two kilos since last seeing him so hopefully thing start to speed up soon!
Oh my god dinner took sooooooo long to eat.. I had to keep stopping!